In this new age (new to some of us older Moms) of technology, there is so much out there going on that we really need to keep on top of it. More and more younger children are asking for iPods for Christmas and Birthdays, have their own computers or laptops and even cell phones. We as parents think we are doing all the right things, telling them the rules, watching the sites they go on, keeping track of their time on the internet. But, are we doing everything we can? And what is not within our control? How do we know what our children are receiving from other people?
A friend of mine shared a story with me last week, one so shocking, yet somehow not that I asked her if I could share it with all of you, anonymously, of course.We all hear stories of young teenagers posting inappropriate photos of themselves and using text messages in inappropriate ways, they call it ‘s e x ting’ . As parents of young children we think we have a while before we need to deal with teaching our children about inappropriate behaviour and uses of photos on the internet. We are wrong.
This friend of mine has a nine year old boy. For Christmas he received his long coveted iPod Touch. No camera, no phone, no worries… right? WRONG.
Having just received permission to install the Facetime application, similar to Skype it allows you to talk face to face with friends or family. He was given permission so he could talk to his sibling who is away at school and friends who he had permission to add. He was given permission to add one of his friends, same age with two teenaged brothers. They had recently had a playdate at his friends house so his Mom was comfortable letting him add this friend.
One of the first times her son was going to use Facetime, my girlfriend and her younger daughter wanted to watch to see how it worked and how cool it was. He connected with his friend, they were chatting. His friend was unaware that his buddy’s Mom and sister were in the room as they weren’t on camera.
A few minutes into the conversation, his buddy says he wants to show him something. There was some fumbling around and then all of a sudden on the screen was this boys privates! This nine year old boy ‘whipped it out’ to show his friend on camera! Why?
My girlfriend immediately grabbed the iPod, disconnected and began some damage control. Asking her son if he had ever done this before, had his friend, did he think it was appropriate, why would they want to show each other? All sorts of questions.
Then came the hardest part. Does she call the other parent? What do you do in this situation? Will the other parent even listen?
My girlfriend decided it warranted a phone call. The other Mother said her son had come and told her what he did. Did he only do it because he was caught? She seemed to think it was not a big deal. Being a Mom of two teenaged boys she seemed to think boys will be boys. My girlfriend handled it a little differently including letting the other Mother know that her son will not be able to have playdates with her son for a while, they will need to regain their trust.
This, my internet friends, is not appropriate. We need to educate our children about what is right and what is wrong in this world of technology. We need to let them know that once you put a picture or words out there, they are out there. You then have no control over who reads or sees it and where it ends up. In this case it was live on Facetime and thankfully would not be forwarded along, but who is doing these types of things in a text or on facebook where it then gets passed around to other people. And even worse is that it could lead to a visit from our friendly boys in blue.
Our children need to know that it is not OK to participate in these types of things and they need to let us know right away if one of their friends is doing this. Apparently it is a popular thing to do for teenagers, they think it is funny or something. We as parents of a younger generation need to let our children know before they get to their teenage years that this is not cool, that there are repercussions sometimes and sometimes, not every time but sometimes these actions will follow you into adulthood and cause problems for you to get jobs. Employers know how to find information on you now, they look at what is out there attached to your name. It won’t matter if it happened when you were fifteen or eighteen, it can and will follow you.
At this point in time we only allow the children to play games and read books on our devices. If they visit a website it is with Mom or Dad beside them, there is only one other family they are allowed to Skype with and that is their cousins who live miles and miles away and at that we set it up and are right beside them during the Skype. We have shared this story with J, letting him know it is not OK to show his ‘crackers’ as he and his friends call their privates, to others. We try to make sure he knows what is appropriate and what is not. And we hope that he will know when the time comes not to engage in these types of activities and to tell us if his friends do. With Apple starting school this Fall, she too will have to learn what is appropriate and what is not. As much as I would love to homeschool my children and keep them safe from the influences I cannot control, I also know I would not do well with homeschooling so I trust that they are well taken care of at the school. And for now we will be keeping a close watch on our children and technology, not holding them back but teaching them what is appropriate and what is not.
Please feel free to share this story so that other Parents may know what is going on out there, you cannot say, “Not my child” you just can’t because you don’t ever know what another child may or may not do.
