After my last post about J and how much he is like his Mother, I feel like I should also share how little Apple is like me. Not only does she look just like her Dad, in miniature form with Strawberry hair but, she must, must have his temperment. I am only guessing because, although he is not like this today, I can see him being a little like this when he was younger.
Little Miss Apple is not a cuddler. She will only cuddle if you walk around with her until your back aches and your knees hurt. As soon as you sit, she screams and wiggles herself free. And whines and cries in hopes that you will again pick her up. Sometimes she wins, sometimes she loses.
If you sit on the floor to play with her, your chances are pretty good that she will be happy, but if you (and realize, the ‘you’ in these sentences is actually me) step foot into the kitchen to make a cup of tea or lunch or dinner it is like the end of the world. I have made many a dinner with a little girl sitting on my foot, arms wrapped around my leg and screaming and crying. And when Hubby gets home, he wonders why I have a headache the size of Canada.
And Hubby, well yes, the sun rises and shines on Daddy right now, so except for the morning when he leaves for work, any other time he leaves or goes to another room is like the end of the world all over again. I mean, she does this if I leave her with my Mom or Hubby too, but this is so rare that she is just confused about what on earth is going on.
Should I carry this one step further, I will include that she feels compelled to open every door, drawer, and cabinet that suits her fancy. Sometimes she takes stuff out, sometimes she doesn’t. But, knowing that she is opening these things up drives me crazy. Usually she opens the door, puts her hand inside and just stares at me. Waiting. Waiting for me to notice and tell her no. She is an instigator this one. On top of all of that she is already throwing herself on the floor in mini screaming fits. So far, they are only at home and usually happen when I have removed her from said drawers and door for the eleventy millionth time. I dread the day this happens in public. My only saving grace is that I am tall and strong and so far have no problems picking up my kids and marching out to the car with them.
As Apple is only 14 months old, I still hold out hope that I can find a way to work with her temperment and perhaps change it up a little bit.
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Uh oh, I recognize that attitude! I have picked them up screaming and carried them out only I am not tall…I am sure it was a sight 🙂
Don’t you love those tantrums! My favorite are when The Bean wants me to turn on the bathroom light for her and then doesn’t want me to turn it on and then does and then doesn’t. Then she doesn’t understand why I just walk away at that point. Fun fun! As someone told me not too long ago, parenting definitely isn’t for wimps.
Your post has brought back a few temper tantrum memories of my own.
I bet once Apple can talk and communicate what she wants, her tantrums will lessen. I’ve seen that happen with many kids I know, including mine.
Years ago when a friend’s daughter was 4 and having INTENSE tantrums and they were at a loss for what to do about it, I did some research online and read a few articles about tantrums in toddlers/preschoolers. In one of them I read something I’ve never forgotten because it helped me so much in being able to put myself in the child’s place and remain calm. Here’s a summary of it, for what it’s worth:
Think of a puppy with razor-sharp teeth. Those teeth are sharp because they have not yet been used much, and over the years as the dog chews on food and bones they will wear down a bit and though they will still be powerful, they won’t be as sharp.
A small child’s feelings are kinda like a puppy’s teeth. When a toddler feels anger or disappointment, it’s a powerful feeling and kinda scary for the child, because they have not felt it that many times before. They don’t know if that negative, overwhelming feeling will ever end!
Little kids can’t logically think to themselves, “I probably won’t feel like this tomorrow, I didn’t feel like this yesterday, it’ll go away.” They just don’t have the mental capacity for reasoning like that till they’re much older. Imagine yourself, as an adult, in the grip of some powerful negative feeling. Even as an adult anger or frustration can sometimes be overwhelming—imagine how much more so to a little kid, who has not felt that way thousands of times and doesn’t know that the feeling will subside eventually!
Knowing this hasn’t ever really helped me figure out how to END a tantrum, in my kid or anyone else’s. But keeping these things in mind have been SO IMMEASURABLY HELPFUL over the years in keeping me in a sympathetic frame of mind towards an upset or tantruming child. What they’re feeling is scary! They’re out of control! It seems even more important for me to remain calm and in control, and easier somehow. Most of the time. 😉 Also I think remembering that article made me talk to Annalie much more about how she was feeling, what being angry or frustrated felt like, how it was better to tell me what she felt than to kick something or scream because then we could solve the problem together.
Okay, book over. Sorry, I hijacked your comments section yet again!
Your story sounds much like my story of both my very high strung and intense children. Duncan does the same thing with cupboards and cabinets. In fact anything he can find to get into he does. And it drives me bonkers. I too have to remove him fifty billion times from whatever he is getting into and he too has kicking and screaming fits on the floor. Or if you try to take something away from him that he is not supposed to have even if you replace it with something else he does the same thing.
Skyla, is the same way. She has been having tantrums since she was twelve months old. Now she is in a very sensitive phase and sometimes I feel like I am dealing with a teenager already. She has started to do a little scream and then run off down the hall to her room and slam the door. She sits in there and sulks for a few minutes and if I try to go in before she is ready she screams and says “no mommy” and gets a very sorrowful look on her face. Its best for me to vacate the premises emmediately before another tantrum occurs.
So I am going through some of the very same stuff you are, so I completely understand. (Well, maybe not completely.)
GOOD LUCK. I’m still trying to lessen things with Nathan. Must be 2nd children. He is getting better but there are still times I have no clue how to get through to him.
Hugs
Call me when the tanturms get worse.
Muwah!