It’s not about ME.
It’s not about ME.
It’s not about ME.
I am a super sensitive person. I cry at the drop of a hat. When someone looks at me the wrong way in the grocery store, I wonder how I offended them. I have spent years trying to teach myself that it is not always about me. Just because someone is nasty (read beeotch) to me doesn’t mean it is about me.
I had been doing much better, but recently an old friend and a close acquaintance have both been really nasty to me. Separately but it is the same feeling I get when I talk to either of them. Whatever on earth did I do to you to make you so nasty to me? I have even questioned myself. Have I been nice, have I been social, have I been generous, have I changed?
I can honestly say yes to only one of those things. I have changed towards both those people. How could I not have. Every time I call or visit they are just plain nasty. Occasionally we have good chats or visits but more often than not, I leave or hang up feeling depressed or anti-social.
I searched myself today, while I cleaned my house. I asked myself what did I do? Then all of a sudden I remembered something. It’s not always about ME. And perhaps this goes back to the old ‘jealousy’ philosophy I carried around for a long time. My jealousy philosophy is that sometimes people are just nasty because they are jealous of something I have or do that they don’t. And in both these cases I think that these women are actually jealous. Jealous of me!? Thus, their way to deal with it is to be nasty. I can’t change the way they feel towards me and I can’t change the way they act towards me. The old me (the one from years ago that would have been so devastated by this) would have done anything to turn this situation around. But today, as I was cleaning and thinking about this I realized maybe it isn’t about me at all, maybe it is about them. Maybe they are acting this way towards everybody. Maybe they are jealous, but that isn’t my problem. My problem is me. And I can do something about me. I can tell myself that it’s not about ME.
And I have been doing this every time I start thinking about it. I am feeling better, but I might have to chant it just a little more.
It’s not about ME.
It’s not about ME.
It’s not about ME.
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Keep chanting! I have the same problem, and will have to take up your mantra…
Hello Anna,
I have had to remind myself of this several times too. Sometimes it is just not about me. I have a family member that just does not like me and I have tried hard to have a relationship with her. I often try to think of what I did to cause her to dislike me so much and have come to the realization that she just finds fault with everyone. It is not about me it is her own problem. This does not mean that I don’t have to work on changing the things in myself that need changing but I am not going to stop being Melanie just because she has a problem with me that I can’t fix.
Anyway, enough rambling. Duncan is crying. Gotta go.
Melanie
Many years ago, a friend taught me the phrase “Consider the source.” It took me awhile to figure out but now it makes a lot of sense. I usually use it as my mantra when dealing with people that are being nasty, rude, thoughtless or inconsiderate.
If you take the time to consider what their problem might be (terrible childhood, insecure about their life, their looks, losses they have dealt with, WHATEVER)- it takes the issue away from you and onto the other person. We all have our background make-up that contribute to who we are and how we behave.
I nearly always find that I can say- s/he is acting like this because ____*fill in the blank*____. 9/10 times it is never about you; it is their own problem.
One of my aunts always says, “Don’t take it personally.” Just another way of saying “It’s not about me.”
You are most likely right. Often when someone treats others badly it’s because of her own issues and has nothing to do with the people she’s rude to.
I am a little on the sensitive side as well. So I understand this. Also, I do think that some people’s jealousy takes over their sensible thinking and they treat good friends badly. I am sure it is not you!
I have the same problems with some of my friends. It stinks but just keep saying what you are saying – I’ts not about me!!
You are so right! It’s NOT about you. It’s sad, but true…people do act beeeeotches when they are jealous.
I was so shocked when I was reading this, as I could never see why anyone would be like that toward you!!!! 😉 Just remember, you rock! XOXO
You are so right.
You never know what goes on behind closed doors.
I have learned this the hard way too. I had a friend that kept rejecting me and I kept trying harder and harder and getting more and more hurt. Finally, I decided no more, if she doesn’t want to spend time with me then that’s fine, I’ll not waste any more time on her and focus on those who do. And you know what? I don’t miss her a bit.
🙂
I think often when people do or say mean things it is often all about jealousy and I have come to learn that by analyzing my own behaviour. Now that is bad when you see yourself doing it.
Thank goodness we can change.
I’m like you, I think everything has to do with me. Attitudes, reactions, etc. I know it’s not about me but just like the feelings I had in 7th grade, I just know “they” are talking about me.
You should read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. A Toltec Wisdom Book.
i take things personally too.
love your mantra, am starting to look beneath the surface of people’s motives and consider their personality types too.
that makes a huge difference as to how we handle life.
love X
Your SOOOO Right it’s not about you it is there problem. I was like this for years until one of my girlfriends had a car accdient. AND I let another friend keep me from her. It was a DUMB Thing to do. I barely speak to either of them now. And you know what? If they really wanted to be friends with me I would not have had to do all the work to keep the relationship going. ON BOTH PARTS.
Now I have much much better friends. AND YOUR ONE OF THEM!
Hugs and love
Sharon