Last Saturday, my youngest Sister threw a garage sale. And I say threw instead of had because like everything in her life it was more of a social gathering than a sale. She had people coming to hear stories of her travels and pick up an item of clothing bought in Europe or Stateside. Clothes were her biggest hit. She sold oodles of clothes for $0.50 a piece and almost all of it went. She sold old computers that Hubby and I put together for her during highschool and she sold one of our old monitors for $20!!! I couldn’t believe it myself.
While we were helping her purge, sort and prepare she came accross an old box of outdoor stuff, inside were two gems. Two items that made my summers in the 1970’s some of the best ones to date.
The good old traditional sprinkler. We spent many, many summer days, year after year running and playing and stepping on this sprinkler. And there it was in all it’s glory waiting for J & J2 to have fun. I couldn’t believe it still worked and sure enough my Dad had it stashed away while they would buy a new sprinkler every few years (because they just don’t last like they used to) they could have been bringing out old glory.
Second, and these are the “piece de resistance”, my first real pair of roller skates. I bought them second hand for $20 from a friend of my sisters. They are a size 8 so my feet are a little squished in there, so much so that I couldn’t actually skate anywhere. Those were the first skates I wore to “Skateway”. They have seen better days, but they are still in tact and it was wonderful to see them again. I did get my boot skates a few years later and they were a size 9. They are currently in my garage on the shelf, where I take them down once a year and go for a spin on the driveway before putting my rollerblades on. Because rollerskates just aren’t cool anymore.
Anytime I have and appointment at the fertility clinic I spend the whole day crying on and off. Yesterday was no different. Except for the fact that I was also saying good-bye.
I had my follow up appointment for my last failed treatment three months ago. And since I haven’t won the lottery, nor have I inherited a large sum of money, it was probably my last visit. The new facilities are gorgeous, as I sat in the waiting room, I thought, “How unfair is this?” I had to sit in that horrible waiting room and now that I may finally never go back, it is so inviting I want to be there.
Basically, there is no rhyme or reason for any of my pregnancies or miscarriages last year. The reason my drug treatments didn’t work is most likely the reason we couldn’t get pregnant the first time. My RE (who apparently is really nice now) agreed with me that perhaps the drugs I took a year and a half ago for our frozen transfer fried my eggs so that the sperm were able to make the connection. But, because things weren’t right my pregnancies were most likely chemical and therefore resulted in miscarriage. After my last miscarriage my body started shifting towards it’s old self, last year things were slightly different so I always knew that something strange was going on.
So here we sit with no plan, no more frosties (although they are checking to make sure they are indeed gone) and not enough money to do another round of IVF. I did offer my services to sit on a panel to try to get IVF paid for by OHIP. I offered to do anything possible to make the system fair for everyone. My RE was successful in getting the funding back for the patients who had two blocked tubes (it was taken away when the clinic went public), but as I hope we all agree it is not fair to fund some and not all of true ( true being infertile and not people who want to get pregnant on a schedule) infertility patients.
My hope and prayer is that before it is too late for my eggs and body that I will be able to have IVF again one day, that is of course if a miracle doesn’t present itself. And if I cannot, then my hope is that others, who perhaps cannot afford IVF will have it available to them and have the same joy and laughter that fills my house each and every day. J is truly a gift that I cherish each and everyday. I am so thankful he is here with us, my only hope is that he will have the same joy of more siblings that I have.
And because one chapter may indeed be closing it doesn’t mean that I am going to just stop doing anything to help my chances. On the advice of my RE and the encouragement of my friends, I am going for some acupuncture today. If nothing else, at least I am trying something new and opening up my horizons just a little more.
After allowing a Robin family to build their nest atop one of our pillars. We didn’t have the heart to take it down. Within a few days we had eggs. Four to be exact. We kept the front window closed and did not use the front porch for almost a mont. All to allow the birds to grow and the parents to stay and feed them.
Once the babies were big enough and the parents realized that we were not going to harm them, we could sit out and they would not fly away.
Then the feathers started growing and the chirping got a little louder. We knew it wouldn’t be long before they took flight.
Then it happened. First one flew away. Then the next morning the last three took flight. One by one they stood up on the edge of the nest and took the plunge. The last two guys, I just had to take a picture of. I hadn’t wanted to earlier for fear of scaring the parents. The last guy stood there for quite a while, then jumped. Down onto the porch, with Dad close by. He stayed on the porch for a while, then all of a sudden he was gone.
The nest was empty. They didn’t come back, not even once. J & J2, whom we would lift to see the birds, couldn’t understand where they went. Now when we take walks J points out each Robin asking if it his baby bird. Although we are somewhat happy they have grown up and moved away, we are a little sad that our family didn’t come back for a visit.
