To my pity party 🙂

All in all yesterday was much better. Thank you all for stopping by to offer some cheering up. I truly think I stay positive for so long and then just when I think nothing else can go wrong something does, so I get hit like a ton of bricks.

The 10lbs extra weight is really what threw me on Wednesday. Since I had been working out so hard and had dropped not weight, but a dress size, I was thrilled. Then, this surgery comes along and blows me up like a baloon and does not want to heal. I couldn’t walk for three weeks, then I could for a week. Then, for another week I hobbled. Ack. It was enough to make a girl cry. So, I did. Oh, yes and of course my weight has been an issue for most of my life so when I think I look like crap, it really sucks to have someone point it out for you. For no other reason but to say it.

Yesterday, I had a lunch for my house sitter and my Sister and our Mom. Poor girls had a choice of salad or salad. And for dessert, some fruit or some fruit. Actually they all loved it. I pulled out all the veggies I could muster and even walked the short walk to Farm Boy for a few extras. Then set up a buffet of salad stuff, with cheese and chicken to add if you like, and some veggies and dip. Then, for those so inclined there was platter of melon, canteloupe, pineapple, watermelon and grapes. So that was my pity party. We had a great time. The boys played hard, fought a bit, so they are out of vacation mode. And us girls chatted up a storm and kept kicking the dogs out of the kitchen.

The sun was also shining so the afternoon was spent with it pouring through the windows and warming up my face. J and I played out back for a while and of course he wanted to swim. To which I had to say no, due to the frigid temperature of the pool. Hopefully we will get some more of the sunshine today as the cloud cover this morning kinda bummed me out a little.

On a good note we have picked a treadmill that we are going to buy. I am so excited. I have wanted one for years so that I can keep walking in the bad weather and the winter. Now that Hubby is running , I had a good double excuse for us getting one. Our gym is almost complete, all we will have to do is finish the walls around it. Now, lets hope they don’t sell the last few before we go and pick it up or end the sale 😉

Years ago, my Sister’s used to hold what they called “pity parties”. Basically, they felt sorry for themselves because they did not have boyfriends. So, instead of dressing up and going out in public to perhaps be seen by real boys/men. They would pull on their sweats, make popcorn and sundaes and watch chick flicks until they were crying, tired and the next day no man would talk to them if they even tried.

Yesterday and perhaps this morning just for fun. I decided to allow myself my very own pity party. No, no, no, not because I don’t have a man, I have one of those. But, because I feel gyped. And here is why.

1. I lost half my summer to my ectopic and surgery. I keep having relapses of pain that sends me almost to the hospital (but apparently is just my bowel pulling scar tissue, no need for surgery yet).

2. My doctor told me yesterday (my fertility doctor) that I am “only” ten pounds heavier than my ideal weight. “Do I need to lose weight?” I ask. “Are you saying I am overweight?”, “Why did you say that at all?”. He did not respond to any of my questions. Only made the comment that I am ten pounds heavier than I should ideally be. THANK YOU SO MUCH. LIKE I DIDN’T FREAKIN’ KNOW THAT ALREADY!!!!!!!

3. When OHIP covers your IVF, they don’t actually cover everything. So instead of $10,000, like we paid for J, we will still have to fork out $3,000. Not bad, I thought. Hubby was appalled! He kept saying “What happened to coverage, why should we pay anything?”. All the while I am thinking, I did not cry once when I lost my ectopic, I did not bawl my eyes out when I almost died, I haven’t sulked about the fact that I lost my fallopian tubes, nor have I complained that I can’t walk, work out or anything. I just feel like a slug!

4. When your Doctor offers you a trial treatment, that covers all costs, he should really look into your reactions to drugs before saying anything. As I was getting all excited to try out a new drug and way of taking them, I realized with my awesome stimulation of my follicles that this would not be a possibiltiy. I would most likely hyper-stim and have to cancel. And if I am taking drugs, I won’t be doing it with a more than 50% chance of cancellation.

So folks, join with me will you, in my own little pity party. Shed a tear, throw out your carbs and all the candy you brought back from vacation. Scrimp and save so you hubby realizes that IVF is way more important than a round of golf. Go lift some weights, no matter how bad it hurts, take a walk and perhaps run a bit, why not? Throw all caution to the wind, because it really doesn’t get much worse than this. And remember. It is September, not November and the cloudy rainy month is still to come. For now, just pray that the sun will shine this afternoon and you will get some of your much needed sunshine full of vitamins and goodness. Cause nothing restores the body better than some sun shining on your face.