FIFTEEN!! 1…. 5… Can I believe it?? Not one bit.

Dear A,
I have known you now for twelve of your fifteen years. I may not be your birth Mom, but I love you like you are my own. I don’t talk about you a lot here on my blog because well, you’re fifteen. Why would I share with the whole world your teenage insecurities or the fact that you just won’t eat lunch at the caf at school.

You have always been a kind, loving and wonderful kid. You do things that we ask without complaint. You trail along with us to grocery stores and boring relatives. We do in turn let you sleep until noon or later, let you stay up way late and give you free run on the computer. Why? Because your Dad and I remember just what it was like to be fifteen.

You are the best big brother we could have ever asked for. J loves you to death and counts the days until you come again. You are loving and patient with him and teach him all your favorite (age appropriate) video games. You spend hours building Lego ships and let me have a rest. You allow J to talk your ear off with no complaint, even though he has probobly said more words in his three and a half year than you have in your fifteen.

We love you and wish you the happiest of Birthdays.

Oh yes, and you got your birthday wish. Yes, you will get to have a Sister instead of another Brother. We think it is pretty great that you are excited to be a big brother again and not freaked out that you will have a Sister fifteen years your junior. Maybe you see how much I love my littlest Sister and look forward to the same type of relationship with your siblings as I have with mine.

Love,
Your BeachMama

Is ultrasound day (18 week). I keep forgetting. My Mom and Sisters are far more excited than I am. This isn’t normal. I mean, now that I have been thinking about it I am excited, but because I keep forgetting, I feel like it isn’t normal.

I think I am not too excited because I have had so many losses in the last two years, I am afraid to be hopeful. That, I think, is normal. I do remember being calm about the whole thing with J too. It wasn’t until after 24 weeks that I really started to get excited.

Tomorrow we should find out what flavour of bean we have roasting. Unless the bean doesn’t want to cooperate. J wasn’t super cooperative. Although I knew before the tech told me that he was a boy. I saw his goods before she did and he was playing with himself, that kind of gave it away, but I remained hopeful for a girl until she confirmed it for me.

I am not ashamed to admit that I was devistated at first that I was not having a girl. At the time my thoughts were, if I only get one chance at being a Mom, shouldn’t I get a girl. I live with boys, my dogs are boys and at the time I had six birds who were also boys. But, within a day or two I was completely and utterly fine with a boy. And now, well, I wouldn’t have it any other way. J is the sunshine of my life, the boy that keeps me going, the one that challenges me every single day with something new. And really, I always hung out with boys more than girls, it was only fitting.

This time around, it really, truly doesn’t matter one single bit. I just want to know so I can plan. If we have another boy, well less shopping for me and so easy to set things up. I just move things from J’s closet to the baby’s closet (after A moves to his new room of course… and after we build it this summer). But, if it is a girl! Watch out. I will definately, 100% need to go shopping. If a girl makes it into this house, she must have a girly room, must, must, must. Our house is filled with everything boy, it would be a shame not to take advantage of setting up a room in all things girly. Those are my thoughts. But, I will say that I will not, absolutely will not be disappointed either way, I just want a happy healthy baby, who maybe, just maybe sleeps in until 6am. You know, if I can ask for something to be added into the mix.

Hopefully, I will have a report tomorrow! If the bean cooperates that is.